It takes time.
The moment itself of awakening – moving from the dream state into reality – happens spontaneously. But the process that follows takes time. This is the process of getting beyond the pull of the dream state (where we perceive separation and isolation). The dream state, where the ego resides in its power, has a strong force that pulls consciousness into itself. Awakening is breaking free from this force. The dissolution of the ego is, essentially, what this whole journey is about. When we have a moment of awakening, but we have not moved completely beyond this force field, we will be pulled back toward the ego experience of “me”. This is why we can feel like we lost our feeling of connectedness or our ability to have amazing realizations about truths.
There is a struggle between our true nature and Self, and our imagined/false sense of self.
This is because our consciousness is not yet beyond the force field of the dream state of ego. And so we fluctuate between these two realms – between our true Self and our imagined sense of self. We fluctuate back and forth, forth and back. This can be very disconcerting and confusing; we experience reality in its truest form, and yet we find ourselves right back in the dream state. We now realize that the ego’s paradigm isn’t real, but the pull, the gravitational force, of the dream state is very strong. This is where the struggle lies: Even as we know the truth of our authentic being, we can still find ourselves believing the ego. Why is this happening? Before we awakened, we only knew to believe a thought or to not believe a thought. Reality is not divided like this. Upon awakening, things become strange. We observe ourselves believing a thought and not believing a thought simultaneously. Or we notice ourselves acting in a way we know is not coming from the reality, or our true nature, as we have discovered. It’s as if we experience ourselves saying things, thinking thoughts, or acting in a way that we know is not true. It’s happening, we know where they are coming from, but we let it happen anyway. This can feel extremely unsettling and upsetting. It feels like we have taken ten steps backward, or that we have fallen way off our path, or that we are actually DEscending. None of this is accurate though! Take heart in knowing that nothing has gone wrong, and that you have done nothing wrong. This is all just the next phase in awakening. Remember that if you have seen the truth, if you have had moments of awakening, this is real. The truth is the truth, even if you only catch a glimpse of it.
Don’t run from this experience.
When we are in this phase of awakening, it is best to understand that nothing has gone wrong – this is all part of the journey. If you run from this experience, in search of returning to that awake place, you will be avoiding this important part of the process. Yes, the fluctuation can be quite painful, but I have found that it is even more painful to live in a way that I know is not true once I have seen what reality is. Being out of alignment with our true Self is the suffering caused by such separation. That is why once we begin the path of awakening, we cannot go back. The consequences are much greater once we are awake; acting out of accordance with the truth causes ourselves pain. When we are in harmony with reality, we experience grace and bliss. It is a simple law of the universe, really. And it is this law that helps guide us deeper to who we truly are, to our true nature.